good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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