so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
