The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize