Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
