Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
