I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
