you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
