he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
