i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
