Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
