I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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