yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm too high and old for this...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
