I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
