Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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