we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
