I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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