dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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