The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
