Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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