A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
