dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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