So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
