I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
