Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
