That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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