True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
