Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize