I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
