I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you guys were way drunker than both of me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
