Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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