i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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