The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You are a genius and a whore.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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