did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
