Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
