you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
