I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
