Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
