I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
