I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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