Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize