That's when you crack a 10am beer
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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