No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
