break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Panties = found
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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