Whod you bang
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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