that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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