I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
