Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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