Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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