He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
this is an emotional support booty call
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize