the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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