'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
