after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
