guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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