if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
