guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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