Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My balls are so social today.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
