How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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