her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Success! We fucked roommates!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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