Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
