i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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