i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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