Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
