apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
