worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
