I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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