OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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