I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
