TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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