Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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