Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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