I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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