"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize