Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
