One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize