I can't breathe out the right side of my face
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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