haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize