I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
