Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
