my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
