He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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