Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
