Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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