My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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