I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
my poor anus
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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