So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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