I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
