Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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