blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
