Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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