hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
