Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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