Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
