she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
